When I was in Middle School, I suffered a great deal of depression to the point in which I considered suicide multiple times. Thanks to the intervention and support of my parents, teachers, and therapist, I was able to overcome this depression and quelled any further thoughts about suicide. I am aware that depression can be a common symptom of being autistic, but I thought the suicide part was just something I had to deal with. Then the other day, I met a mother of an autistic boy who had the same troubled thoughts I had and I realized that more autistic people may have had suicidal thoughts like me and this boy. Fortunately, I do not have such dark thoughts anymore. Now, I acknowledge that life is worth living and I can accomplish much if I live long enough.
The other day, I met a mother of an autistic boy who suffered from depression and even contemplated suicide. I saw some similarities between myself and this boy so I recommended my therapist to this woman, who was desperately searching for someone who could help her son control his condition. Having gone through many of the struggles to mother described myself, I thought this would be a good way to contribute to the autistic community.
Many people regard Bruce Wayne to be Batman’s secret identity. Personally, I think it is much more complicated than that. As the supervillain Bane put it, Bruce Wayne is the mask and Batman is who he truly is. That may sound like nonsense, but allow me to explain. From a psychological perspective, Bruce Wayne died in Crime Alley along with his parents. Afterwards, he became raw, untamed psychological power that took the form of the fragments of the Bruce Wayne persona. After years of training, the psychological power that was Bruce Wayne was hammered into his new personality: Batman. Batman is the glue that is holding the shattered remnants of Bruce Wayne together.
Because the main characters of my superhuman series are not heroes, I have decided to expand on that with one of the characters whose powers are psychic in nature. Due to the fact that their power will be mentally based, I am thinking of exploring what could happen when a psychic individual becomes psychologically strained by their own power. For instance, the character could have black-out sessions and not remembering what they were doing for hours on end. Then it will be revealed that they developed a darker split personality that uses their psychic powers to do horrendously dark things to criminals. When I think of characters using psychic powers violently, I think of Lucy in Elfen Lied and Tetsuo from Akira. In both cases, the characters used their psychic powers to maim, eviscerate, and utterly obliterate their targets. To put it in a nutshell, my character’s psychic powers will operate like a brain tumor in that it will cause unpredictable personality changes through constant use. They would be their usual self one second and the personification of evil the next, which will give this character a Jekyll and Hyde mindset. I look forward to tinkering with this character when the time comes to finally put this new project in motion.
As I mentioned in my previous post, my autism and aspergers has a unique effect on how I process my emotions. Just as my autism itself is part of a spectrum, my emotions are organized in my the same way. One one end I can feel any emotion to the extreme while on the other side I feel nothing at all. During those episodes of emotionlessness, I am able to focus more on whatever tasks I am given. An example of this is when I am at work and I shelve and reorganize books. While doing this, nothing else occupies my mind not even my usual daydreams. This gives me a mindset that is similar to that of a machine. On the other hand, when I feel emotions to their limit my mind is almost on the verge of erupting like a volcano. An example of this is whenever I spend time with my beloved pit bulls. While in their presence, I feel the same kind of affection that a parent would have towards their child. Overall, this is just one example of how complex my autism has made me over the years.
I watched the new M. Night Shyamalan film, Split starring James McAvoy. As someone with autism, I was very intrigued by the psychological elements of the film even though I do not have multiple personality disorder. While some people view the condition from a scientific perspective, I view it from a spiritual perspective, which I will elaborate on in another post. Also, there is a serious twist at the end of the film that reveals that Split is a spin-off/sequel to another one of M. Night Shyamalan’s films. This twist made me realize that Shyamalan is starting to create his own superhero universe just like me. With this in mind, one could argue that Split was not just a psychological thriller but the origin story of a supervillain. I would recommend this film to anyone who likes the psychological and the extreme.
As the years roll by, I start to notice how much my control over my autism has improved as I age. When I was younger, my mind was overflowing with so much activity that I could barely contain it. During this time period, I had little control over my motor skills. In fact, my earliest memory consisted of me spinning around in circles while shopping with my mother at the grocery store when I was in kindergarden. This lack of impulse control persisted until after I graduated from high school. By the time I went to college, my autistic impulse control had improved to the point in which no one would know I had autism unless I tell them. If I was able to acquire this much control over my autism this early in life, I cannot wait to see how much more my control will improve as I age.